There are a number of things that make Glasgow stand out as a welcoming destination for immigrants.
However with tongue firmly in cheek what follows is a list of helpful points that any potential new Glaswegian should remember.
The term ‘weegie’ is never used by a Glaswegian to describe themselves. This is an east coast expression and never used in polite conversation.
Acceptable alternatives include ‘Jim’, ‘Jimmy’, ‘big man’, ‘wee man’ if you’re male. ‘Hen’, ‘doll’, ‘mrs wumman’ if you’re female.
Or… ’haw you’ if you’re needed urgently.
There is a scurrilous and widespread rumour that Glaswegians are over fond of alcoholic beverages. This is a common misunderstanding and the actual explanation is simply that we are friendly, sociable and outgoing people and only partake of alcohol when awake and breathing.
There is a favoured sport in Glasgow, which is Football, this is referred to as either ‘the fitba’ or ‘the gemme’.
The correct answer to the question ‘Which team do you support?’ is ‘Partick Thistle nil’. It is not acceptable to state that cricket or rugby is your game as this will simply lead to the same question being repeated more forcefully.
Glaswegians are rightly proud of our reputation for friendliness and are well known for being so friendly that it can appear to be aggressive.
To that end you should be aware that you may be randomly hugged by people you have never met before. This should not be misconstrued as anything other than affection.
Glasgow has already welcomed many people from many different countries and cultures and you will be assimilated feel at home in a very short time.
Glasgow has a long history and we are hugely proud of this. However, please do not ask us anything about this history as we would rather that you found out for yourselves. When you’ve found out, please let us know in case we are asked in future.
As Scotland’s largest and most interesting city, Glasgow does not need a Castle or a Festival to be popular, OK? Glasgow does NOT have a problem with Edinburgh.
Glasgow has much to offer in the way of entertainment.
However the best is free and provided by the residents on a daily basis.
This is known as ‘Patter’ and ranges from ‘Outstanding’ to ‘Mince’, dependent on who is providing it and their condition.
Incidentally ‘Mince’ in terms of patter means rubbish. However, ‘Mince’ is also a Glasgow culinary staple and should never be described as rubbish, especially if cooked by someone’s mother.
There is a concept in Glasgow called ‘the wind up’. This is difficult to explain but in short, if you find yourself looking puzzled and confused whilst those around you are laughing and grinning you are probably being wound up.
Either that, or you’re in Aberdeen.
We should point out at this stage that if anyone is offended by the above……..
‘A Big Boy Did It and Ran Away’.